Hanky Handkerchief Uses

Hanky Handkerchief Uses

Warning
After digesting the following comprehensive list of uses, you may be overwhelmed by a compulsion to start carrying/using/appreciating handkerchiefs. For this reason, it's best to read this page when the shops are open.

This is a non-exhaustive list, as potentially the applications are endless. If you feel there is something important missing, that really deserves a mention, let me know. See 'Wanted'.

Have you any idea how fast the little particles of snot are travelling when your nose ejects them? It's pretty damn speedy, roughly 4,063 km/h or nearly thereabouts. One of the commonest uses for a handkerchief is when you sneeze. When used to cover the nose and mouth, it will stop all of the nasal nasties leaving you to cling to someone else's face, possibly saving you some embarrassment.

Coughing

As above for sneezing, although a cough is not as fast as a sneeze, more like 14 km/h.

Epistaxis Epi-wot-sits? That's nose bleeds to you. On average there are exactly 43.6224' million nose bleeds around the world every hour. Many people will know already that they are very inconvenient and distressing, but for the benefit of anyone without personal experience to draw upon, here's a rough idea:

Though getting them can be very painful, a nose bleed in itself does not hurt. However, they are a pissing nuisance. Hankies go some way to alleviating a lot of the trauma.
(And, after use, they make very interesting pieces of modern art. Though they are not so attractive when the blood has dried and your hanky is brown and crusty.)

In church
You'd be surprised how useful a hanky can be in church.
	For a start, churches can be responsible for making you cry. (Though I hasten to add that's not directly to do with religion.) Whether it's the tears of sorrow at a funeral, or crying with joy at a wedding, a hanky can take care of it. And don't forget, at weddings many men proudly display a hanky in the top jacket pocket. In addition, remember that people get wet at churches. I'm not talking about leaky roofs though. I'm talking about Christenings and baptisms. As well as tap water, a handkerchief is just as able to cope with the holy stuff!

Ever knelt down in a church (for prayer usually)? Those wooden floors are hard on the knees aren't they? Fold your hanky and place between floor and knees and you can pray for longer!

And if you're still doubting the need for a holy hanky, just read 'My Story'.

General cleaning and mopping-up

As already touched upon in 'Epistaxis' (above), hankies are the greatest thing to have handy when a spillage occurs, or some unwelcome substance needs to be removed. This is particularly true when you are not in your own home and cannot easily rush to the kitchen to grab a cloth or towel. I am not going to provide an exhaustive list, because that would be almost infinite, but here a few examples to give you an idea of their largely untapped potential:

food and drink spills, wiping sun/glasses (many people who regularly wear glasses carry a hanky just for this reason alone, cleaning compact discs (use the radial technique), wiping your golf club/ball, snooker cue. In fact sports uses could be an entirely separate category (perhaps it will at some stage, hmmn I'm thinking out loud again), cleaning camera lens.

And, if you have children, you are morally obliged to ritually humiliate them in public by spitting on your hanky and rubbing it around their faces (apparently in the name of cleanliness).

Holidays

If you're going on holiday a hanky has plenty of uses.

If camping is your cup of tea then a hanky can be useful for filtering water. If you get lost when hiking a hanky can be a useful attention-grabber.

If you're skiing a hanky covered face can reduce the likelihood of snow blindness.

And let us not forget one of the most important and iconic of all handkerchief uses; the beautiful British sun hat:

Here we see the traditional application:

And for avoidance of sunburn to the back of the head and neck, here's an upgrade; the lesser-spotted 'two-hanky' technique:

Snuggle

Whether it's called a 'snuggle', 'cuddle', 'pinky', 'blanky', 'whoopsie' or 'schnoffer', most kids have one at some point in their life (usually while they're still young, but not always). They sleep with them all night, and carry them around with them all day. And when they get dirty, you have to plan military style manoeuvres in order to wash them without the enemy suspecting.

But why do they have them? It's not just the children of poor parents who cannot afford proper soft toys that have them. Simple answer is security. When we handle something a lot, our scent rubs off on it. This then creates a sense of security because of the feeling of familiarity. People are always at their most relaxed and comfortable when they feel in familiar surroundings.

You can create an instant bedtime comforter by carrying a hanky for a day or two. Make sure you give it to your child before you use it, and it will carry your scent, thus inducing familiarity, and therefore security.

In short, your hanky can help your kids sleep; potentially useful for maintaining your sex life.
(For other ways a hanky can enhance/improve/inspire your love life, see 'sex', in 'More Uses'.)

Now continue to 'More Uses'...